The Darkness
by Mersgath
Summary: A glimpse into Death.
1. Chapter 1

_It is dark. Too dark. It only takes seconds to find that out. Opening your eyes to see the clichéd never-ending darkness you always see in movies. But they aren't compared to this kind of Darkness, because in that darkness there's always light at the end of the tunnel. This tunnel doesn't have an end._

_Every time you feel a cold stabbing through your stomach or your heart stops beating and there's nowhere else to go: there's always the Darkness coming right after you. You would be fortunate to get away with it, if it didn't get you before you got to your senses and acted before anything else. When you get away, then it won't be the same afterwards._

_You'll always try to get away by trying anything: not sleeping at night, keeping yourself in the safest part of Cardiff, getting into a relationship so you can take your mind off those horrible thoughts of loneliness, pain, fear. But as much as you'd like it, you won't get away from the Darkness. Because you've felt it. Yes, you did._

_When you were grasped into the nothingness, as you felt you lost yourself in it, there's just nothing afterwards. Maybe that's why they call it the nothingness for. Maybe that's why they call it the Darkness._

_You can't see. You can't touch. You can't smell. You can only hear that sinister voice, waiting for someone or something. The only thing you can do then is feel the fear, the sorrow filling your heart and the loneliness making your isolation more striking, because there's nothing left to do._

_Every time I've felt that way. But it is moments after I can hear another voice calling. And I am taken into the light…_

Then that's when I feel the pain rushing away from my body. I hear voices around me as people pass by me without paying mind. I smell the stench of the alleys of Cardiff and the delicious smell coming from out of the bakeries. But with all of that, what's anyone have to live for anyway? I reach out and touch something. That's when I sit up to see a pair of shoes, following up by a black suit with a red-shirt and a red and black striped tie. Everything worn by the beautiful man standing in front of me as he holds a cup of coffee for me before I wake up from the endless dream.

"A coffee?" Ianto would always ask.

…

Maybe I do have something… or someone to live for.

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**Hope you liked this supposed-to-be short story, I'm new to short stories, so please I'd like to be reviewed, PLEASE!**


	2. Chapter 2

_I've been there once. All I can say about it is I don't wanna go back there. __There's nothing but cold, fear, shivers and nothingness. Even though you're in empty space, you feel the dark embrace you: you actually feel its breath at the back of your neck, pushing that feeling of dread inside your stomach as its claws caress your naked body making you shiver and hope for any clemency for what might be behind you._

_There's no hope though and all you can do is stay still and don't look __behind your back in case there is someone… or something behind you, waiting for you to look so you can see your self eaten alive. There is something waiting in the dark for someone to come. Something waiting for a man who's escaped death before a thousand times._

_I only wished that time I were immortal, just to get away from this endless and eternal Darkness. This Darkness gets all the worst out of you: selfishness to be alive once more and dodge death; fear for yourself, for your own life, not caring for anyone else but you; and what I most hate is that it's made me scream the hell out of my head, and it's driven me crazy and changed me._

_It changed me a lot, and I don't like that change it's made in me. I've started to wonder if I should have been better, or if I should have joined a religious community just to give me hope of that eternal life and afterlife thing where people apparently live with their souls with their Gods in heaven. I wonder if that even exists._

_It's kept me wondering if this is a punishment from their God for losing faith in myself and others since she died…Or because I've sex with so many women – it is against their laws, isn't it?_

_But no matter. I'm here now. There's no turning back._

_..._

_When I was dead I wished a lot to be immortal and get away from the dead… But this kind of immortality wasn't what I had expected. Even though I am scared of the Darkness, it is scary here in this world, with my living soul inside this dead body. I can't feel anymore like I used to. I can't sleep, I can't eat, I can't drink… I can't do anything._

_If my life is going to keep going like this, it's not worth living such immortal life._

_..._

_But maybe Toshiko made me think that you have to face your fears. Maybe she's right and I really don't like her to cry and worse if I hear it on the phone. I've got to stand up to what is next for me. Don't I?_

_..._

_Just one regret: I didn't get to know her that well._

The Nuclear energy overloaded and embraced an accepting Owen with his open arms as Toshiko died on the other extreme of the phone line.

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**The supposed-supposed-to-be short story has become a couple of short stories... Hope you liked it... and REVIEW!**


	3. Chapter 3

_**N/A: **_**this view of this death is adapted from the personality from this person I have tried to adapt from the story **_**Breaking my Heart **_**by **_**Quiet Time**_**.**

_Everything was under control, but how did it get to end up like this? I have tried so hard to get a grip on my self. So hard. But it never works that way. For doing good for others you don't always get good back, and I should have understood that since I joined Torchwood. He promised me, though. He promised me no one would hurt me again. But they did. But then he himself can't get control over what's happening. It wasn't his fault. He tried at least. After all, he was the first man that had ended my lonely days in the UNIT cell. He was the one. But he won't come here this time to get me out of this eternal Darkness._

_So cold. So sinister. So dark. And it doesn't end there. It keeps going and going, trying to make you go crazy. I wouldn't have cared before. I had grown so used to solitude that I didn't even care at all. Since I met Jack Harkness I care, because I know that I can't do it alone. No one can do anything alone. They always need someone to hold on to, to be able to get through with it. Now I wished I had never gone to Torchwood: to have died alone in the UNIT cell, have that guard break my heart entirely, have held on to my feelings and not show anyone what I have inside of my heart. Because that's what makes anyone weak: to feel._

_Being here… and to feel… is the beginning of your end. You feel chills every time, every day… if there's even day or night in here. You can hear whispers… voices asking for help… feeling. Feeling fear. You can't see, even though you can only feel the breath, something behind you, trying to frighten you. I'm not frightened. I don't want to be frightened. So I try not to fret. Because feeling in this Darkness will be your down fall._

_**Before her death…**_

She let the tears run down from her eyes. It hurt so much… Too much… Not the fact she was dying, but the fact that Owen wouldn't accept this kind of end. But then he had left: so peaceful, yet so sad, but so patient. He had gone through a lot. She had gone through a lot. They both had gone through a lot. And now she had to admit that she did love him. It was not a while ago that she had made a pact to herself that she wouldn't fall for anyone again. Feelings would only make her weak. But maybe this kind of love she had felt for Owen… was something: a strong bond that would be eternally knotted.

She watched as Jack and Gwen sobbed over her. She had always done everything alone, but she now knew that there was always someone to lean on. Torchwood was all she had now. They were her all and nothing should and would ever change it. She loved them. She would never be alone.

She smiled one last time, not afraid, not sad: joy and love filled her heart for the space that had been empty for the last few years.


End file.
